interesting stuff

I read some interesting things today...
It never ceases toamaze me at the vast space called the internet.

Have managed to track some interesting blogs.... the man who fell asleep reads particularly wierd.
I love wierd ! :)

Nirvana

I dont know whether its some sort of mental disorder or im just going crazy. There are a few things Ive noticed about myself in the last 6 months:
1) I dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I try to, and I remember my face, somewhat, but when I look at myself n Im not sure its me. Is it age? dunno. ig blank.
2) Less emotions... when I mean less, i mean almost none. I feel nothing for nobody no more. Family, friends, lover. noone. Its all a blank. Dunno whether thats a good thing or not.
3) Feel like there's someone else sitting inside me watching everything that's happening to me.
Might be gaining nirvana!! no?!

all in a nutshell

a long long long time... very very long time, i know

So much to tell and so little time.

In a nutshell- moved back to Delhi, back with d man, back to same home.
So these were the positives.

Negatives- constantly guilty about dad being alone in B'bay, absolutely no communication wid best friend, from time to time feel like hell about it!
Otherwise.. is ok

The Cold that never died

At the moment there are a few things which are constantly occupying my mind space.

1) My never ending Cold. strange as it may seem, but its been close to two weeks since ive been suffering from a running nose... and when i say running i mean... sleepless nights, constant blowing and a nose which is raw and peeling. Now thats not nice, is it.
I have a few deductions about my cold which i'd like to put forth...

a) Im allergic to Mumbai (weather)!!! Now though these may seem two very seperate thoughts, however they are completely interrelated: The city has ofcourse been getting under my skin for the past three months, and the dirty sultry weather which is on its way, is totally not suiting me... so ive figured that we have a mutual dislike for each other (the city and me)

b) Im allergic to A/Cs ( it sounds strange, however the A/C in dad's office car has this dirty car freshner poured in it... which is meant to make to give u this pleasant feeling, but leaves you choking for breath)

c) Im allergic to dad ... now this was HIS line, not mine... n all i can say is that considering we're ready to bite each other's head off..... MAYBE

2) GYM ... GYM... GYM... GYM... if i dont join the gym today, i'll absolutely disown myself

Holi Blues

its holi tom.. n there's nothing on the cards

depressing me out.. totally... would really like to do something major.. go crazy in colours, wid friends etc... but unlikely its happening, coz im a million miles away from friends right now.

So will sleep late, have a gujiya and watch Holi parties being screened live on TV...
Depressing

finger break dance :)

Self Doubt

the Muslim Maid and her extended family :
which includes-
THE HUSBAND :-, who has this infuriating habit of chewing something which cud be a paan , or tambaku, or zarda, but u just keep it pressed between ure teeth, n then keep spitting out this obscene red goo, which leaves marks everywhere, and simply leaves ure teeth not-worth-looking at.
THE KID:- she wails and wails and wails and wails... and ... lemme see.... wails and wails and wails and wails...
THE MOTHER ( IN LAW) :- reminds me of those hindi movie characters who are hit by a truck, and lose their memory, and then are sent to a mental asylum, where they roam around like they're in never-never land
THE RELATIVES:- a never end que ... they keep coming n coming ( never seem to want to leave) .. so in a span of a month we've had visits from the bua, and phupi, n the brother, n sis-in-law... n for some strange reason, they all wanna just stay there ( not to miss 5 kids per couple, who tend to hang onto every visible part of the body)

last but not the least

THE MAID:- talk bout a maid with an air... i hate being all discriminatory.. but she simply doesnt fit the picture of the docile woman, who'll come running when u murmur her name.. we're talking ATTITUDE !!!

well... as it so happens, the entire jing-bang is packing up n leaving... simply because me n dad have become tyrants...

As is surely apparant from the sarcasm, the maid n company arent exactly my favorite people in the world.
However, when she came up to me and said
" Didi, hum ja rahe hain, yahan bahut mehenga hai aur mein pet se hoon "(we are leaving, because we're finding living in Napean Sea Road too expensive and i'm 3 months pregnant )

i didnt know whether to be happy or sad or angry...

happy coz they're leaving.. peace at last... end to that nasty smell which has permanantly started hanging in the kitchen, so that u no longer want to enter that area of the house...

sad coz there'll be no more plotting and scheming bout how to get back at her...

angry coz there'll be noone to harass me ( or vice versa)... and/or becoz she was pregnant again, considering India's population doesnt need any more kids just for the moment...

Wait a second...!!!! becoz she was pregnant again!!!... my thots went hay-wire from India's population.. to the muslim community's breeding habits ....and yes, they are breeding habits...

Dad told me the other day, that the Mullahs in the West Asian countries have taken out a decree asking all muslims, across the globe to produce as many children as they can...

n then the news of the Varanasi bombings... n sumhow.. sumwhere inside me I felt safer that they were leaving...

I pride myself at being secular, broad minded, against discrimination of any kind...

and yet... is it true for everyone? in sum way or the other?

sumwhere deep inside, 'the other' actually exists

Travelling in this rutt

i cud do this like 24-7..
am getting a ride home with the nice lady who gave flowers !!!

else am spending close to 1 1/2 hrs travelling from work to home..
in the morning met another colleague at the train station, who apparently travels 2 hrs one way every single day to office
.. realised, this is the way of life in Bombay.. its bloody insane and people are doing it... in and out of trains, autos, jams ...
I hate Mum-(up-ure-ass) Bhai

Poetry?

Women's day, n i chance upon this...


http://www.thepoem.co.uk/poems/jenkins.htm

realistic .. vivid.. n yet leaves u with a sick feeling

feeling highly feminist-like with an extreme dislike for men who use women as mere objects

Slob

eyes r popping out... have been bloggering for the past 2 hrs...
bosses out for a meeting. No work on the hands. trying to understand the g-tab software, but actually paying no attention to it.
have to sit at 4 with sandy ( have decided to call him that, considering he's the only one who's remotely friendly here.. how they all take their respective tiffins n go to the conf room n hog away, n dont bother... feels like-back to school)

have to get over this crazy lethargy which is slowly taking over me.. cant get up at 6.30am, cant concentrate beyond a couple of hours on work, feel terribly sleepy post lunch, havent read a good book in a while, eat too much rice for dinner on a daily basis ...

where is my mind? i am reminded of those women who have eating disorders .. or some god foresaken mind disease, where they cant do a thing straight n just become pure gluttons. Damn... am not a glutton.. am not even close... but after a point if i dont exercise, start feeling like a slob ( that point is once in 3 months of not exercising!!!)

gotto get with it .. !

Pain and Beauty

She looks pained !!1

To all the ladies in da house

its International Womenzzzz day... n for the first time in all of my 25 years, i feel like celebrating!!!
Possibly all the stories in DNA which I read today... inspiring and saluting the Indian woman!!!
nicey nice !!!

Reached office and met this woman, who was sweet enuf to buy flowers for all the women in office... terribly thoughtful... felt good about myself again
its gonna be a good day ... to all you fiesty, inspiring , happy women out there!!!

America Scared Shitless?

am lost in this crazy space called the internet
have been trying to find my way thru the 'blog world' for the past 2 hours... dunno where to start.. dunno where to stop
new city... new job... new friends.... new blog
'Crash' has been crashing my mind since morning... the pic was gr8... but sumhow.. felt it was too stretched... America and discrimination.... nothing new, is it? there they are pretending to be the biggest secular democracy in the world... n then the prisoners in Abu Ghraib... n then there's Guantanamo... where does it come from?

Here we have Crash... it makes so much sense... the social fabric of this country going to the dogs... not that i hate the US ( unlike 90% of non-Americans)... i can understand this fear... n yes, it is a fear, fear from the world growing, fear of development, ... its such a threatened nation, and the saddest part is that its such a shame...coz they have the best minds culling out the best of tech, science, art everything there... u name it, the country is going great guns... but they're scared shitless.
n its simply this counter aggression which makes everyone criticise the damn place...

u know how we talk of world peace n cooperation n love... if the US just moved its big fat ass n took the initiative of doing something about it... the world would actually be a better place to live in