Road Rage

New Delhi.
9.30am.
Traffic Hours.
I drive WITH the traffic… mind you… NOT against it.

This morning, I mastermind the shortcut…"Hmm, If I go through Okhla side, I
should reach New Friend's colony much faster than if I take the main ring
road"

Big Mistake.
Within minutes I'm drawn into the quicksand of the traffic jam, which is
pulling more and more hurried, irritable drivers, such as myself, swiftly
within it.

Car horns snarling and temperatures rising.
Not to mention, the COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE A/C in my Maruti 800, constantly
contributing to the pain. ( U might say it's not A/C weather as yet… I say,
try driving at 9.30 am, in a traffic jam which is getting your blood
boiling….and then we'll talk )

I jut my little 800's nose ahead of a DTC bus. The bus driver is half out of
his seat up there, spitting abuses at me ( along with all the rest of the
crap these drivers constantly chew on!).

Ignore.
If you drive in Delhi and you drive WITH the traffic, you have no choice but
to continue jutting you're car into every centimeter of space which presents
itself on the packed Delhi roads!
So… I continue moving.

I somehow manage to get out of the jam by going diagonally from one end of
the road to the other, where I swiftly take a left turn.

Whrooom !!! I'm moving again.

New Friend's colony in sight. Am standing at a red light now, sifting
through songs on my ipod. Completely oblivious to my surroundings.
After all… I'm at a red-light ( where I am incidentally part of another
jam!)… how much further can I go??? ( knowing me… much more… however I
choose to be good)

A car comes to my left. A man is saying something. Something to me.

He's graying on the sideburns. Possibly 35 yrs of age. Spectacles. Couldn't
be a corporate honcho… too unsophisticated for that. Maybe an IT guy?" what
does he want? Do I have a flat tyre? Is the door/ Bonnet/ back open? WHAT?

I roll down the window, " Yes?"
Him, ready to bite my head off " DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TRAFFIC YOU'VE BEEN
BLOCKING BEHIND YOU?"

I'm shocked. Here I am eliminating the possibilities of what might be wrong
with my car… and this guy is on a trip of his own.
Within seconds, I'm in control again. Anger pulsating through my veins.

I growl, " WHO ARE YOU? " HUH? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO ASK ME ANYTHING?"
He growl's back, " WHO AM I? WHO AM I? WHO ARE YOU… HUH? "
Me again… " WHO THE HELL ARE YOOOOUUU?

( I mean where's the brain????… MY BRAIN?????…. at times like these, just
when you wanna say those one-liner's like:

" Talk to the hand, asshole"
OR
" You're such a disease"
OR
" Go take you're frustrations out on you're wife, jerk"
OR
" Haven't been getting any sex lately or what?"
etc… etc…. etc…

the best I can come up with is, " who are you?"
…. No… no… no… " who are you?" … I'm me… and I own the road… BUT WHO ARE YOU
???!!!!! Incredulous.

AAArrggghhhh. I put my car in gear, show the guy the middle finger and zoom
off ( unblocking the traffic behind me ! )

For the next 15 min I replay the conversation in my head… where every time,
I say something witty and smart, by which the guy shuts up and is seething
with anger but has nothing to retaliate with!
Also… throughout this altercation I am calm and composed… even amused!! I
look at the man with pity and contempt!

"Ha! you poor soul! i'm sooooo beyond all this."

However… I am not beyond all this. Infact I'm neck-deep in road rage. And I
live it as part of my daily existence.

Question-
What does one do with 90% of Delhi's driving population who think they're
god's gift to Delhi roads?
Like they have the birth right to scream and shout, rave and rant at the
incompetence of other drivers, while they themselves might be driving like
maniacs out to massacre the roads?

This is not to say that I'm this genius on the roads… no sir… I certainly am
not.

I see myself as a survivor. Just trying to go through my daily grind. One of
those thick skinned Delhi drivers who has learnt her lessons the hard way. …
for…I have no choice:

a) I have a car which should have been sold a decade ago.
b) I am in no position to compete with the Honda Civic's and Scorpio's
which rule Delhi roads … so I snake around these mammoths. What else can I
do? I'd be crushed otherwise…No?
c) And I certainly don't have the time, patience or energy to give
driving lessons to people on the road… so I ignore. And Truthfully.. '
Ignorance is Bliss' is working beautifully for me.

So who the HELL do these people think they are?
And WHERE THE HELL do they come from?
Don't they know that the main principle of the Delhi's F1 track is 'Survival
of the Quickest?'