A few shockers:
- Michael Jackson's dead
- I'm Expecting.
Hmm... caught u off guard on the IInd one didnt I. No... it was not planned. Yes... We've debated for 2 weeks whether we're ready for this or not. No... I dont have the heart to go through a termination. Yes... the relationship is too fragile to bring in another life into the middle of the mess.
While confusion prevails...I feel the nausea gripping me each morning. It starts from the pit of my stomach and leaves pin pricks at the back of my neck. I try not to throw up... I succeed... but the metallic taste in mouth all day reminds me that something is growing inside me.
I feel my belly... no real signs of life... and yet when I see the sonography pics I know that a pea sized human is taking shape there.
I'm scared. Not like I was when things didnt work out with me and Sachin... not like when I realised what a huge decision I'd taken by getting married to someone so different from me. I'm scared for someone else... a little someone who's inside me. I'm scared about what kind of a mother I'm likely to be... will I be able to give as much as I've got from my mom.
And truly... have I really digested what it all means. I havent come to grips, I know. But I'm going with the flow...
Somewhere... I want this child... desperately. The one person whom I will be able to love again... unconditionally. The one person I know who will make things worth it. Who'll make the marriage easier to live with.The one person who'll help me forget the past and force me to live in the present... with him/her.
I havent felt love in my heart for so long...Too long
3 comments:
first i thought how i'd strongly recommend you to not have the baby unless you are sure that you are ready for him.. in more ways than one! ...a fragile or even not-so-sturdy relationship is not really the solid platform that the wonderful phase of "having a baby" requires... and then i feel who really am i... just a stranger peeking into someone's life in what cud easily be described as a voyeuristic manner...
but then i have had some close experiences in this matter.. i have seen a child being ignored and treated in a manner it didn't deserve because it did not end up being all that which the frustrated mother dreamed her to be even before the child came into this world...
DO NOT get the baby as a solution to your fuckin problems... DO NOT have him because YOU expect him/her to be some angel that will change your screwed up life and give a semblance of sanity to this inane social mass activity called marriage...
get him sans expectations.. u might say that u see the prospect of loving someone unconditionally but i already see conditions being put.. smthing as silly as the mother, seeing glimpses of those behavioral traits of the father that she despises a lot, can screw up ur mind and the child's development... get realistic.. an unstable mind and an unstable life will never be good for a child.. and DONT expect the child to stabilise it for you!
peace
hi... i agree with everything crimson feet has said though i also know that i dont have the right to tell you anything since its a very personal decision..
take care dear....speak about this to a close friend...
Hey..where are you..hope everything's okay..please update, i miss you!
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