K fucking Chauth

Today is K-Chauth... sounds like an abuse doesnt it?! Well, if u havent guessed it already... Karva chauth!!! the age old ritual where a married woman keeps a fast for the long life of her husband( n what if he's an abusive, violent, mother fucking son-of-a-bitch? well... the ideal wife prays for this bastard as well!!! I marvel at the level of tolerance women have...I being a crazy, temperamental, slighly loony, dont really fall beautifully into the former category... but hey there, the biology of things say i'm female all right!!!)
well... so like i was saying its K-chauth ( i decided to nick it so that it begins to sound like what it really is- a freaking irritating, mindless ritual)
So... it started over 2 months ago when the MIL ( Ma-in...) decided to ask me whether i'm gonna keep the fast:
MIL: "Are you planning to keep the KC fast?"
Me: " Well, my mom's never kept it, its not a custom we follow"
MIL: " Well, its ure choice entirely, i'm never going to pressurize u. however, it exists in our family ( n now that ure married to my son, u better say goodbye to ure family, n just accept the fact that THIS is ure family, woman) and if u want u can keep it.
Me: " Ok... its 2 months to go... we'll decide"
I let the matter drop... but obviously the question is ringing in the woman's head- Will she? Wont she? will she? Wont she?
A month later, she asks me again:
MIL:" so what have u decided? Are you going to keep the KC fast? Meri beti, its a very important ritual even for the ma- in... besides all u do is get dressed, look good and get lots of gifts, from me, ure husband etc."
Me: " Ok, i havent decided as yet, if u really want me to keep it, i will ( damn! i dont believe i said that... I so dont believe in mindless rituals. woman! ure in trouble!)
MIL ( jumping on the cue): No, no... there's no pressure from my side. but its there in our family ( Bitch!)
Me: "there's still time right now... lets figure it out closer to KC"
Again, i somehow tallo it... but i know its nagging me. It irritates me that an educated woman should be so eager to keep a fast for the long life of her husband. I dont see any rituals throughout the Hindu dharma's endless customs which are directed towards men... whether its Sati or Karva chauth... its women who bear the brunt of it all.. ya ya... i know that KC is more of a feel-good kind of ritual... HOWEVER.. it is not the dressing up or gifts which bug me, it is the fasting... and not just for anything ... but for " the long life of ure husband" ... should'nt the damn husband be fasting too for the long life of his freaking wife? or to become a saint/ martyr in the eyes of society, the woman should necessarily die before the husband. for that matter, who knows when anyone dies? that is not to say that its not good to pray for someone's long life... i do it all the time for my parents ( n today hubby) however I do it voluntarily, while sleeping, for a minute or two. Its not an elaborate custom, where the gods would only be pleased if i starve myself for a day and buy ex amount of things in his name for aarti. its just the unjustness of the way the custom works... and how only women have to do it... always the woman!
Ok... so as i was saying, the conversation with MIL was left in a limbo... however, was she one to be cowed down by all my tactics to avoid the question? Noooo, sir!!! she went n called my mom the figure out whether i'm keeping the fast or not!!!! I can still feel the blood boiling in my head when I think of this. My mom was noncommital, but she later told me that i should keep it, coz MIL really wants me to keep it.
Well.... FUCK YOU all!!!... here i am keeping the damn fast, becoz MIL wants me to, n i'm pissed beyond belief. i'm alone at home, and i know i can go ahead and eat whatever i want, but i havent, coz somewhere inside me i've told myself that I AM going to do this... just so that i can cribb later about it!!!!
AAAARRRRGGHHH!!!
p.s. thats not to mention how i've already gone wrong with the fast!!! MIL told me to get up b/w 4.30-5am and eat something, coz im going to be hungry all day. Bizarre custom! i chose not to get up... reason being... if i want to get up before sunrise n eat something, its my freaking choice!!! I decided i didnt! so, i slept through that Oh-so-crucial-hour in the morning, only to find an unpleasant atmosphere in the house when i woke up. Hubby was talking to MIL in hushed tones over the phone, disclosing the insufferable crime i'd committed, and how i probably deserved to rott in hell for the rest of my living days.... well... i dunno... what they were discussing, but the conversation was cut short the minute i got up...Gawd!!! what's with men and being mama's boy's all the freaking time!!! dont u people get sick of it... i mean, get ure own identity in place... ure own thought process... what the hell have u been educated for if ure gonna turn around n cling onto mom's saree for the rest of ure lives... not the mention look at every woman in ure life through ure mom's lense!!!! GAWD!!!! its just so biased!!!

anyway... so when i spoke to her i clearly asked her.." getting up n eating before dawn was a matter of ritual or choice?"
MIL: " Ritual" ... (FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!) anyway... never mind now... just dont eat or drink anything till late evening today"
Me" I wont.."

So here i am... ive fought with the hubby on his freaking day coz he didnt tell me that getting up in the morn was a matter of ritual!!! he claims" how am i to know" ... well ure mom's been keeping the damn fast for the last 30 years... if u dont know who knows?!
Fuck u...fuck u... fuck u all