'Un'- Human

I wonder whether u'd understand if I told u I wasn't feeling human.

Yes... I've not been feeling human lately.
it's a strange sort of a feeling I've been getting... days have been passing me by... and I'm doing things mechanically.
Office... home... going out... movies....
But somehow... through every moment... whether fun or not... I've been empty.
As though a part of me has died... and the person performing these acts is actually not the real me.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, just to reaffirm the fact that I exist... and I'm not just some random object floating around the place.

But the unrealness is so real... its hard to explain.

Day and night... routine... pressures...parents....life.... I'm watching it happen... from a distance.

I do all the right things, and say all the right words, and manage to emerge victorious through the day.... but its not me.

I've died... and the emptiness inside me re-affirms that.

I live in the past.... or I live in the future... but I'm missing right now.

And the knot in my chest 24-7 re-affirms that.

I don't know myself and I don't have any desires. I dont love myself and I don't love anyone else. I'm a sham. A non entity.

I'm nowhere
I'm nobody
I don't exist
I am a shadow of the person I used to be

Lost.... somewhere... in the act of growing up.