Musings on Making Things Real

I've been writing this blog off n on since March last year. Truthfully, I
have written more posts in the last 2 months than the entire 2006. Why?
Can't say.

Also, most of the posts which I have written have been morbid and
depressing.
Assuming that it's MY blog and I'm free to write whatever comes to MY mind…
no matter how dark it is… I kept writing.

Have NOT given a second thought to the fact that when I write something
down, I actually seal it… make it more real than it was when inside my head.

Or maybe it is an attempt by me to gain some sympathy… find a common ground…
a listening ear. ( coz I know for a fact that the people around me are
totally and completely fed up of my whining!)

So I write… and It gives me satisfaction.

And then I chance upon this post on Danah's blog ' Musing on making things
Real'

http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/
<http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/>

It leaves me thinking about relationships and their idiosyncrasies.

Of all the things which people do when they break up, I've done NONE:
- His number is still on my phone
- I have all the pics… safely stored away. Am avoiding looking at
them, but don't have the heart to burn them
- Have blocked and unblocked him 1 million times on my msn… at the
moment, he's unblocked

As confusion prevails in my mind… I'm thinking… am I stuck in a time warp?
I need closure, instead I write a new post everyday talking about how
miserable I am without him.

Think I read somewhere that men have this amazing ability to
'compartmentalize' their thots, put them into neatly packaged slots. So if
they don't want to open the package named 'relationship' they just put it
into the back compartment and move on with their daily existence… happily.

Women on the other hand mull, dissect, shred to pieces every goddamn
thought, event till they have a headache and have no choice but to have a
disprin and sleep. And even in sleep, you'd find women having vivid dreams
about the same. So in reality, there is no rest provided to the miniature
brain at any level.

Think I admire men for this ability. Have been trying to emulate them in
this respect by compartmentalizing my thoughts.

Here's what I'm doing these days:

Have an image of a door with a key in the lock. Everytime I have a thought
about the past I try to literally pick it up( the thought), throw it behind
the door and turn the lock. Now I would like to throw the key away, but I
keep it handy for the next thought which comes in !! It has worked at some
level.

But women will be women… and here I am writing another post about my
struggles, rather than throwing the thoughts behind the door !!!!! hehehe!

Gaaawwdddd! Help the female species :-)