Compulsive Liar

why do compulsive liars lie?

The reason I ask is because I think I am one.

I was attracted to 'x' about a month ago, and when bf asked me, I denied it with a vengence and then later adminnted it.

The reason I raise this topic is that this has happened in the past... not once not twice but 5 times. He asks me something... I deny it for days and then I finally admit it.

Why do I do it? what makes me lie to him? Hide things from him?

He's one of the nicest people I know... possibly understanding as well... and still I lie.

And then I blame it- on circumstance, on the situation, on him, on something he did in the past to trigger off the lie.

A lie is a lie is a lie, no matter what the circumstance.

Therefore, my behaviour baffles me. My brain refuses to cooperate. I find easy escapes and excuses not to share things with him, under the pretext that he'll react... or he wont like it... or he'll fight with me... or why should I tell him, I'm not accountable to him.

Bottom line is... I lie to him.

And when reviewing the situation, I realise that I ONLY lie to HIM and noone else. My friends are my supporters, confidantes... the understanding ones.

He is the snappy one, always fighting, pointing fingers.

So why not share with friends instead? Why him?

And this has been the bone of contention in this relationship for 4 years- I DO NOT SHARE. I HIDE. AND WHEN CONFRONTED I DENY

Analysing myself, I know it's true. I've made a mental picture of him as the 'uncool' bf, the 'overpossessive one'. And at some level, ' encroaching my space'. even though, I might share the same incident with friends, and even strangers!!!

Its wrong. Its unfair to him. And Its unfair to my relationship.

n now my even saying that I will share everything is hard to digest, because there is a past I have to deal with. a past where I havent shared. So how does he believe me? So why should he believe me?

What should I do? What can I say?