Get a Grip

So, I got up in the morning and changed the music on my ipod. No more weird music.
So, I'm listening to Cranberries,Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dave Mathews Band now..instead of Imogen Heap, Emiliana Torrini, and the likes! It helps.

So, am driving to office and the mind goes psycho on me again. But I dont allow the tears to come, as much as they give me an eye-ache, somewhere in there. Will exercise mental pressure from now on to suppress the overwhelming feeling of blob-in-throat, which haunts me 24-7.

Oh... not to forget... in the midst of all the mental fuck up, have also decided to try and quit nicotene today. Good step, bad timing. But think, it works within the larger thought of 'trying to get a grip on myself'. I'll be super proud if i'm able to quit NOW, and not any other time in my life. So lets do it.

All in all, I'm going to try and toughen myself as much as I can...

(cant ignore the 26 years of sheltered parental, educational, social environment within which I have existed, and which has resulted in this mega-emotional, over-sensitive nightmare that I am! It takes time...

Will take a while to realise that things happen, and there's nothing one can do about them, so I just gotto learn to deal with them.)
......................................................................

When I think about the course of events in the last 2 months, I realise that I've actually been going with the flow. Allowing myself to be swept away with the whirlwind, like a pale, dying leaf. In the hope of being rescued. Waiting for a miracle.

Tonly reality which is staring me in my face is - miracles don't happen... life happens... and one has to live with it.

Trying to wake up...slowly... painfully.

Making an attempt to get a grip. I cant say with complete conviction that I shall succeed. (Dont be surprised if u read another weird-ass post in a week's time!)

However, lets try.