Thursday, August 09, 2007

Growing Up

I've almost taken a decision.
Although the risk is infinite... I think it might be worth a shot.... or maybe not.

The advice Ive got has been varied... " use ure head" " follow your heart" " think rationally" " do what you want" " Take a chance and see"... " U dont have that kind of time" ...

Although I'm troubled... although I'm scared... although I sometimes feel I might be making the biggest mistake of my life and I'm apprehensive of making the wrong choice... I feel it may turn out right in the end.

When I look at myself... I see an irrational, emotional, impulsive fool. For the first time, I've decided to use my head in decision making and not my heart. The very decision of using my head pains me. Because my perspective to life is fundamentally different from 99% of the people I know.
There are times when I look around me and see talking, walking, thinking monkeys. I see the kind of limits we've put on ourselves to organise our lives. The rationalization of every act. The analysis. The judgments we make. I make.
I live in a movie and 'happily ever after' is an extremely real concept to me. So... when I'm asked by every single cell in my body to apply rationalization to the biggest decision of my life, marriage... my heart revolts.
since when did I become this dissector? Since when did I start thinking so much. I dunno.
Ive grown up... and I hate it.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Im taking a call.
About my future. My life. Today.
Whatever the consequences... I will deal with them.

How I will go on... I dunno... but I will do it. Because life has many surprises in store... and I'm sure there are many good things coming my way.

I say a little prayer ... I hope I am making the right choice.

God... save me from evil... save me from myself... save me from pain and guide me to make the right decisions.