Thursday, November 22, 2007


I want to scream soo loud that my throat goes hoarse and the world stops in its path.

I want my lungs to explode with smoke and my eyes to pop out.

I want to collapse from exhaustion and feel my body going numb on me.

I want to go to the hills where my voice echoes and the surroundings absorb my pain.

I want to feel all feeling leave my body, so I'm free to feel anew.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Met the Parents

Eventful weekend.
Stubbed the cigarettes. Hid the alcohol. Smoked the joints over. And sobered out.
It was time to meet the parents.
The dress designers consisted of mom and mausi. Clear instructions were handed out
" Underdress... without too much makeup" Followed the ruled, blindly.

A red and black suit.. natural makeup... no lipstick. Looked sorted. The kind of a girl every ma-in-law craves for. ( well... maybe!)

They entered... full of warmth and laughter. I sat... surrounded... shy inspite of myself. Have never been scrutinised like this before. So just didnt know how to react. spoke when spoken to. Laughed at the right points. Smiled when was smiled at. I was all nerves, and I knew it... maybe even they knew it.
They went out of their way to make me comfortable. I liked it. I liked them. I pictured myself hugging the mom. The thought didnt suffocate me to death. It seemed possible.
Infact, it happened!!! On her way out.. the lady turns around and hugs me tight ... " now its upto u, beta. "
Upto me?! Huh? come to think about it... maybe.

I went and looked at myself in the mirror later. Not a bad looking girl, I say. Show Stopper? No. Head Turner? Yes.
I want things to work. For once. I'm trying to be open about this. Besides that unbelievable smile has gone and gotten stuck somewhere in my throat... between my wind pipe and heart. I breathe it everyday. I look at it atleast once a day to figure out what it means.
Which is why I'm scared. When you want things real bad, and they are close to materializing, and you want the forces to work in your favour... its times like those that disappointment is hard to take.
Questions race through my mind... what if we dont click? What if he doesnt like me? the thought of me not liking him, crosses my mind... but I doubt it. If he's a reflection of his parents... he'll be nice. I'm certain. ... sorta certain! I hope!

I have to wait... patiently. Till Dec end. He's coming. We will meet. But so far, life seems to have started moving.... positively.