I finally decided to write a post. what prompted this decision? Dont Ask.
Have been living in a shell for the last month. Happily? Sadly? Dunno.
Didnt feel the need to share... to communicate... to speak. Underground. Ground under.
Christmas... New Years... came and went. Nothing overwhelming... until yesterday.
Yesterday, I got up and I knew I was going to make the move. Do something. What?
I didnt know until afternoon. and then it came to me. I couldnt take it anymore. I just had to hear his voice.
I made the call.
"How're you doing?"
" Who's that?"
" It's me."
" Oh... Hiii! How r u?"
"Good. Nice of you to have called"
" Only because you sent me the 'Happy New Year' message"
" I missed you on New Years, was in Goa"
" So did I."
" Should I call you once I'm back in Delhi? I'm back by evening today."
" You do that. Bye"
Brief. Revealing. Short. Long.
By evening, there were pin pricks at the base of my feet. I met a friend for a drink. One drink. Two drink. Three Drink. Happy. Ready to do anything. In my head, my decision was made... I was going to say bye to the friend and go meet him. I couldnt tell her, so I pretended to go home and then called him the minute I sat in the car. I detected the surprise in his voice.
I suggested we meet. It didnt take him half a second to think. I was on my way to his place.
We met. We met... we met. 3 months too long. He stepped out, shivering. The hood of his jacket covering his head and the Goan sun slowly dying in his eyes.
I loved him that second... and I know I will always love him. There is no turning back. But there is a dream which we lived together and which is as vivid in my head as the second which just passed.
We went for a coffee. I wanted to touch his face. I took his permission He granted it happily. I lived my dream, in that touch.
We had coffee... made small talk. Headed home. He shook my hand goodbye. I looked at him.
The moment existed and it was real... and then it passed.