Its Friday evening and i'm doing the 'couple thing' ... AGAIN!
Have been cordially invited to the house of another 'couple' for a 'Pasta party'... How Marvelous!!
This 'coupleish' act has been going on for approximately 8 months now ( The 'happiest-day-of-my-life' day was in April)
We eat together, sleep together, breathe together... How utterly totally completely disgustingly romantic!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Overworking the head
So...
A few developments in the head:
- the 'motherly instincts' have woken up... suddenly and with a vengeance... everyone around me seems to be popping babies... and if not.. they're nursing 1 or 2 year olds... i goto a mall and i see kids... i go for a walk i see toddlers... i close my eyes and i see babies. What the hell?!!!
the reason this development is driving me up the wall is becoz, i know that having kids at this point in time is probably the worst idea i can come up with.
Not even been married for a year, and i'm thinking the family way! considering stability in marriage has not come....inspite of all the time spent... i have to make the wiser decision of waiting.
- Talking about the missing stability in marriage :
Well... the link is slowly disappearing... and we are becoming strangers to each other even as i write this. 8 painful months and now we've reached that point when a fight means zero communication for the next 2 days. and even if there is some conversation in the middle... its usually an attempt to bite each other's head off. Patience has never been one of my virtues, and after the last episode it has slowly disappeared all together.
Random thoughts keep coming and going... ideas of how to escape. Useless, defunct, unimplementable ideas... but they help me hang in there... else... there isnt much to dream about in my life at this point, is there
A few developments in the head:
- the 'motherly instincts' have woken up... suddenly and with a vengeance... everyone around me seems to be popping babies... and if not.. they're nursing 1 or 2 year olds... i goto a mall and i see kids... i go for a walk i see toddlers... i close my eyes and i see babies. What the hell?!!!
the reason this development is driving me up the wall is becoz, i know that having kids at this point in time is probably the worst idea i can come up with.
Not even been married for a year, and i'm thinking the family way! considering stability in marriage has not come....inspite of all the time spent... i have to make the wiser decision of waiting.
- Talking about the missing stability in marriage :
Well... the link is slowly disappearing... and we are becoming strangers to each other even as i write this. 8 painful months and now we've reached that point when a fight means zero communication for the next 2 days. and even if there is some conversation in the middle... its usually an attempt to bite each other's head off. Patience has never been one of my virtues, and after the last episode it has slowly disappeared all together.
Random thoughts keep coming and going... ideas of how to escape. Useless, defunct, unimplementable ideas... but they help me hang in there... else... there isnt much to dream about in my life at this point, is there
Waking up to 2009
ok...
here we go... resolutions for 2009... Approximately 14 days late :P
1. will start blogging again...i know i suffer from these bursts of sudden enthusiasm, followed by complete hibernation... however, I shall work on them... and conquer!!!
Am in an exceptionally positive mood this morning...
2. Will make new friends in Mumbai... history to this statement: Moved to Mumbai in April... am feeling lost like how... dont know a soul in this city... is driving me nuts... am a people's person from as long as i can remember, but now am in this fantastic city, without a social circle. So far my attempts at the same have fallen flat on my face:
A) Joining a job: Have joined work... not a soul here exists whom I wantto have a conversation more
that "hi" ... leave alone become bum chums with! How snobbish am i ?? Well... I realise my negatives... but the truth remains... that is how i am... and i have accepted myself
B)Joined weird ' meet up groups' which dont meet up... or are filled with frustrated men who think a 'meetup' group= to easy women who want to get laid!! It is truly disgusting... isnt it!
3. Will make the marriage work...its gonna be tough... its gonna be hard... but i shall give it my best. even as i type this, i can sense the revolt taking place inside me. My heart is turning, and the the chest is tightening. I dont love him... I wanto to love him... I dont know how... considering that he's nothing but nice to me... I really dont know what I want from a partner. Sometimes, i think i will turn out to be one of those crazy women who get up one morning, meticulously pack their things and disappear... and noone is able to trace them ever again... Like in the movie, 'The Hours' I've already shortlisted the places i'd like to disappear to... definitely Europe... i'll become an illegal immigrant.. and get lost in the Spanish desert...
Heck no... I have to make this marriage work... coz I chose this.
Thats the resolution for the year, the ' no smoking' resolution I shall postpone to 2010 :)
here we go... resolutions for 2009... Approximately 14 days late :P
1. will start blogging again...i know i suffer from these bursts of sudden enthusiasm, followed by complete hibernation... however, I shall work on them... and conquer!!!
Am in an exceptionally positive mood this morning...
2. Will make new friends in Mumbai... history to this statement: Moved to Mumbai in April... am feeling lost like how... dont know a soul in this city... is driving me nuts... am a people's person from as long as i can remember, but now am in this fantastic city, without a social circle. So far my attempts at the same have fallen flat on my face:
A) Joining a job: Have joined work... not a soul here exists whom I wantto have a conversation more
that "hi" ... leave alone become bum chums with! How snobbish am i ?? Well... I realise my negatives... but the truth remains... that is how i am... and i have accepted myself
B)Joined weird ' meet up groups' which dont meet up... or are filled with frustrated men who think a 'meetup' group= to easy women who want to get laid!! It is truly disgusting... isnt it!
3. Will make the marriage work...its gonna be tough... its gonna be hard... but i shall give it my best. even as i type this, i can sense the revolt taking place inside me. My heart is turning, and the the chest is tightening. I dont love him... I wanto to love him... I dont know how... considering that he's nothing but nice to me... I really dont know what I want from a partner. Sometimes, i think i will turn out to be one of those crazy women who get up one morning, meticulously pack their things and disappear... and noone is able to trace them ever again... Like in the movie, 'The Hours' I've already shortlisted the places i'd like to disappear to... definitely Europe... i'll become an illegal immigrant.. and get lost in the Spanish desert...
Heck no... I have to make this marriage work... coz I chose this.
Thats the resolution for the year, the ' no smoking' resolution I shall postpone to 2010 :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)