Things, Dilemma and Thoughts

My Happy Things of last week:

1) I ate the best best Sushi in Delhi in a beautiful beautiful
restaurant.. It was worth every penny I paid, and trust me when I say I paid
enough.
2) Have watched the 'silent hit' Khosla Ka Ghosla for the 4th time, am
game for watching it again. Hilarious.
3) Finished White Teeth ( Zadie Smith) … loved it. Searching for
Autograph Man now. In the meantime have picked up some Nick Hornby and
William Darlymple. Although High Fidelity drove me up the wall midway, it
was still funny. And this one which I have picked up seems far more
interesting ( How to be good)
4) Heard 'Jalebi Cartels' live !! How would you classify their music?
Underground funk? Fusion? Dunno. An evening full of sophisticated Delhiites
socializing with their wine glasses… peppered with the ragamuffin
I'm-the-reason-why-they-reinvented-the-hippy types…Amazing how Delhi people
never tire of doing the muah muah's… making sure they're there at every gig,
simply to be seen. It's fascinating and pathetic at the same time. In which
group did I fit? Make a guess!!! ;)

My Confusing dilemma of last week:

1) Am presently torn between a prospective very high paying job with
very boring work profile and a somewhat low paying job with somewhat
interesting work profile. Infact, forgetting the meaning of the word
professional ethics, have gone and asked both the companies to draft me an
offer letter, Am preparing myself for getting blacklisted on the HR list of
one of the two, when I dump it.

My Sad thoughts of last week:

1) Apocalypto. Brilliant. Beautiful. Gory. Violent. Stunning…Leaves you
questioning whether the human race has anything good to offer to anyone,
anything, anywhere. The situation which was a thousand years ago, is
repeated over and over again. Death. War. Selfishness. " Man takes and takes
and takes… possibly till there's nothing left to give"… Watch this movie.
2) To be nice to dad or not to be nice to dad. Yes, he is my father.
Yes, I should be nice to him. Respectful. Like a good daughter. And yet, I
cant be nice. I'm nasty. I'm mean. I'm evil. I say things which a parent
doesn't deserve to hear. I'm full of shit and I know it. And Yet… I cant be
otherwise. He infuriates me till my blood is boiling and all I see is red.
His drinking, smoking, gluttony.
I worry about the protruding stomach and I snap.
I worry about the glass in hand and I snap.
I worry about the by-passed heart and I snap.
I worry about the smoke in hand and I snap.
I worry about my mom worrying about him and I snap !!!
I hate him and I hate myself for being like this to him. So I avoid.
And if I avoid, its like " She's avoiding her own father".

These are difficult times… seeing your parents go grayer and grayer
in front of your eyes. A fear sets in… and you don't know how to deal with
it. You see death lurking somewhere and its not a nice feeling. And you get
more scared and more cruel. My way sucks, I know. But I don't know how else
to be.