Monday, March 09, 2009

mind funk

First I went online and searched for Sachin's name n then i went on to facebook... unblocked Sachin and saw his picture.

Is it becoz i'm going to Delhi tom? or is it becoz i still feel for him... after a year of marriage and a year and a half of breakup... do i still feel for the man?
I think so.

n it makes my heart sore... n my head heavy n my thoughts cloudy everytime i see his picture.

N i wanna know why? still? after all the time...

think i need a new distraction... marriage wasnt good enough. Shud i have a kid?

and then i want to understand why that guy has a hold on me... why do i just have to see his freaking face and my emotions start doing a 360 degree turn inside me. Why is it that i cant begin to feel even 1% of that madness for d husband.

Do i love d husband? last week i thought so... the week before last i missed him when he travelled.Then day before we fought and i hated him. and i wanted to leave... right then, that second.

n then there are times when i cant take it anymore. when i feel like i'll collapse under the burden of being the grown up one.of being mature... doing the right thing.

n right now... i'm just pissed with myself for thinking these thoughts and penning them down and then wishing that i wasnt thinking them.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

you love the idea of him !
your sub concious has so conveniently categorised hubby as provider and sachin as lover .. ohhh the forbidden !

i love girls :D

inexile !!

catmiester said...

hheheh

not true! dunno, cant say actually!
As usual applying ure theories to women in general! :P

Rashmi said...

hey... gone thru all the same things...

Its over for me a long time ago (or I like to think it has)

Just hang in there...

Red said...

I think you like this other guy cause right now that just seems like heaven compared to what your in...The grass is always greener on the other side eh??...hehe...dont worry....feeling this way is pretty normal...I'd bet if u have a li'l talk with ur hubby, things mite work itself..

Crimson Feet said...

oh ohhh... a lot of water seems to have flown from under the bridge while i wasnt arnd...!!

Rashmi said...

hey where are u? hope things are fine...

Anonymous said...

You
You

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you
Without you

Product Junkie said...

I'm right now dealing with a heartbreak so bad... I know i have no option but to move on...

The solution i am thinking is marriage...

Did it work out for you??